I'm a Hallmark Girl Now?

A few months ago, I was scanning through Netflix looking for something to watch and came across a show that seemed up my alley. Based on the picture and the description, it looked like it was in the “Charmed” genre – that is to say, a female lead, soap-opera-light with a fantasy/sci-fi twist. So I clicked. And I watched. Five episodes in a row.

Somewhere in the middle of this new show, I realized that absolutely nothing had happened, there was almost no tension what so ever, and everyone on the screen seemed to be so perfectly happy. Uh oh. I didn’t choose a Hallmark show, did I?

Oh yes I did! I googled the show – Good Witch – and sure enough, it’s a Hallmark show. And even more… I liked it. Oh no.

For years my best friend has been telling me to watch Hallmark Christmas movies. I have been refusing like she was offering me a disease. Yuck! Now, I need to paint you a picture of my friend so that you get the full picture here. My friend is incredibly sarcastic and cynical. She has an uncanny ability to point out the worst in most situations, but in the most hilarious way possible. She is a great match for me because she lets me bring out my dark side and she giggles all the while. Oh, and also, she doesn’t celebrate Christmas.

Okay. Now you’re caught up. So here is my best friend, in all her dark humor, who does not celebrate Christmas, and she has been begging me for years to watch these Hallmark Christmas movies that are nothing but fluff and happiness and sunshine and romance. “Uh, no thanks, “ I’d tell her. And then Netflix tricked me into watching it!

Okay, so what’s wrong with Hallmark? Well, let’s see: simple dialogue, unbelievable characters, weak plots, massive underrepresentation of minorities, and on and on. But this time I got caught up in this Hallmark show and couldn’t turn away. I watched three full seasons.

It turns out it’s nice to pretend for a few minutes that the world’s troubles are as small as a simple misunderstanding or a mishap with your order at the local café. It’s nice to believe that troubles can be resolved completely in less than forty-five minutes. It’s comforting to suspend reality and join a world where everyone in town knows each other and takes care of each other and doesn’t seem to be affected by politics, wars, poverty, hunger, or violence of any kind.

Once I realized I had been sucked into a Hallmark show, I texted my friend right away and said, “What happened to me?!” After sending lots of hahaha remarks, she said (and I quote), “It’s soothing as fuck.” Hell yeah it is.

So, what sense do I make of this? I would normally have prided myself on rejecting such garbage television. When I stopped to think about it, life is pretty stressful. Two kids, two careers, a mortgage and bills and commutes. That doesn’t even begin to touch on the horrific political nightmare we’re in now, the massive poverty and hunger that tug at my heart on a near daily basis, nor the intense fear I have about the future sustainability of this planet. I have so little control over these things. The problems are endless.

So, maybe I’ll just shut it out for a few episodes and pretend like things can be perfect. And then get a goodnight’s sleep. Thanks, Hallmark.